THE B-TEAM

Do you watch Heat and Velocity? One look at the ratings for both shows suggest that the answer is probably a resounding "No." You may watch occassionally to satisfy that extra craving for more WWE per week or if your weekend plans fall through, but chances are good that you aren't a consistent viewer.

I know I wasn't.

That was until I realized that Heat and Velocity are more than just filler shows or means by which to promote Raw and Smackdown. Of course, they do have plenty of filler, and they both spend a great deal of the hour hyping their respective promotion's main television program, but there is more to Heat and Velocity. These are the shows that midcarders, women wrestlers, struggling tag teams, and potential employees need for their chance to shine. Wrestlers who, sometimes by no fault of their own, have been placed in a category that leaves them to see Heat and Velocity more than Raw and Smackdown. Sometimes they deserve this ranking. Sometimes not at all. Whatever the case, they are damned to wrestling Hell with only small hopes of regaining their status or, if they did not have it in the first place, earning their spot in the company. These are the unknown, forgotten, or misused stars of the WWE.

They are The B-Team.

Some wrestlers on Heat and Velocity don't deserve to be there, and some wrestlers on Raw and Smackdown should give up their spots to these underutilized men and women. I, with the help of a certain Wrestlemania I main eventer who's 80's action show inspired the title of this article, will illustrate that idea.

--VELOCITY--

What's neon green, black, and midcard all over? No, not the second incarnation of D-Generation X.

It's Velocity. The Saturday night Smackdown-brand WWE show for those "unworthy" of appearing on the brand's namesake. It is hosted by play-by-play man Josh Matthews who is best known as nice kid on Tough Enough 2. He didn't win. Jackie Gayda and Shaniqua were granted contracts instead. No wonder it's not on the air anymore. Bill DeMott, who recently hung up his boots, has filled in Ernest "The Cat" Miller's old spot as Velocity's color commentator. After some unusual fireworks that seem to battle each other rather than shoot off at the screen as it is done on Raw and Smackdown, the show begins...

--SPANKY AND PAUL LONDON--

I don't know what praise I can give Paul London that I didn't already say in a previous column, "London Underground." His quickness and cruiserweight manuevers combined with a strong technical knowledge makes him one of my favorite wrestlers. Pair him up with Spanky, who has also impressed the wrestling world with his Ring of Honor matches, and what adds up is one of the best tag teams in the WWE. Don't believe me? Watch one tag match or even their singles matches last Saturday on Velocity.

Paul London vs. Tajiri was a wonderful, if short, cruiserweight match. London's dropsaults, much like all his moves, are perfectly timed and well-executed. Tajiri, the veteran of the two, kept the match interesting. I wish they had another six or seven minutes, but Velocity matches always abbreviated. Spanky had a nice little match with Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli. I didn't think much of Stamboli until watching this match. He's better than I thought. Not as good as Spanky, who carried the match, though.

My fear is that because of the size of both young men, it may take some time before they are major names, if they make it at all. A recent Smackdown match would have been a perfect way to reintroduce them. In the match, four teams competed for the title. Los Guerreros, the Basham Brothers, Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas, and Scotty 2 Hotty and Rikishi. Rikishi? Yes, Rikishi. Now, I don't have a real problem with the man, despite using the worst signature move in history. Rikishi is a decent enough worker and Scotty is an adequate cruiserweight despite using the second worst signature move in history. However, wouldn't Scotty and Rikishi's spot be better used by London and Spanky?

--HEAT--

Hosted by Jonathan Coachman and Al Snow, Sunday Night Heat is Raw's answer to "What should we do with Steven Richards?"

Unlike Velocity, which was invented largely because of the brand extension and the need for a Smackdown-brand B-show, Heat has been on television for years. Unfortunately, not much has changed. It is still mostly a way to advertise Raw, but it still allows us to see the unappreciated stars of the WWE. The show begins with the Heat theme song that it almost entirely grunts and unintelligible nonsense. For anyone interested, here are what I believe are the lyrics to the Heat song...

Mmmm rarr

Get a rar

ba doora ba bee rar

get a ball rar doora ga ee uh

Uh

Get a rar

rer ir ror

The funniest part is I'm dead serious.

I'll go on record that I enjoy Al Snow and Jonathan Coachman more than Jim Ross and Jerry "The King" Lawler lately. Ross is still the best play-by-play man in the company, but Lawler bothers me to no end. Snow and Coachman make me laugh. Molly Holly, the current WWE Women's Champion, watched Victoria's Heat match from the ramp. The Coach, sufferring a fake shoulder injury, had the line of the night...

"Molly has really started to turn me on lately. Maybe it's the painkillers."

--VICTORIA--

Without question, the woman who most consistently impresses me in the WWE ring is Victoria. More than just "puppies," Jerry, she is physically gifted and very talented in the personality area as well. So, who discovered Victoria? Chyna.

Victoria met Chyna at Crunch Fitness. "We started talking, and she goes, `You got a good look. Have you ever thought about wrestling?' I go, `I do watch it and I do have a gynmastics background. I've been in fitness competitions and I have a muscular frame. I have seriously considered it.' Chyna hooked me up with J.R., Kevin Kelly, and the WWE talent-relations department.

Chyna, you may not have given us great matches or a reason to respect the Intercontinental Championship, but you found us Victoria. Thank you.

--THE HURRICANE--

The Hurricane is in the best position of those I have seen on Heat recently. He sees Raw more often than not, he occassionally appears on Pay-Per-View, and the crowd pops for him more than most babyfaces. Heck, even his merchandise is selling well. Hurricane may be part of the B-Team, but he is at the top of the bottom, if that can actually be construed as a compliment. He is currently in a tag team with Super Hero In Training: Rosey.

I made my feelings about The Hurricane perfectly clear in my first column, "Stand Back, Comedy!" He is a quick, experienced, innovative, and hard-working performer. Don't let the ridiculous gimmick fool you. Hurricane can go. Watch his WCW Cruiserweight Championship matches. Find his Three Count tag matches. Watch the rare chances when he has been given enough time to develop a strong match in the WWE. The Hurricane is easily one of my favorites on Raw, but he is trapped in a gimmick that will gain him attention but likely not success in the upper echelons of the WWE.

If the WWE is so intent on keeping the over-the-top personas of Hurricane and Rosey, why not at least make them modern day superheroes? Ditch the campy 60's catch phrases and outfits. Have them wear bodysuits as seen in the recent X-Men and Daredevil movies. As Frank DeCaro once said, it can be all the fun of a Marvel comic without the stigma of actually reading one.

He shouldn't be on Heat. Frankly, he shouldn't be on Raw either. He should be on Smackdown, reenergizing the Cruiserweight division. Yet, that would make too much sense. So, The Hurricane plays with Rosey on Heat and shows up on Raw to crack a few bad jokes.

--CONCLUSION--

The weekend has ended. Velocity and Heat are memories. At least, they are to the few fans who watch. The B-Team van is crammed with midcard wrestlers as it speeds off to the next town for another show. They deserve better treatment, but this is the nature of their existence. So, I say to all my readers, watch Velocity and Heat. Support the unappreciated stars of the WWE.

That's all for now. I've done enough jibba jabba for one day. If you'll all excuse me, I have to go put Mr. T back in his cage.