MR. THOMAS' WILD RIDE - PART ONE

I love road trips. Just the car, myself, the road, and a massive CD collection to keep my head bobbing and distract me from which turn I need to make next. I love them. Sometimes, I'll toss a duffle bag full of clothes into my truck and just drive. Where am I going? Who knows? Rest assured, when I get there, there will be a party, or at least a luncheon with a buffet.

The road trip to which I refer in the title of this column, however, has very specific locations in mind: Ring of Honor wrestling shows. Last year, I began to watch ROH videos and read articles on the brand of wrestling it delivers. Generally clean matches (not a lot of outside interference or DQs), talented wrestlers (John Walters, CM Punk, Chris Sabin, etc.), and a sense of comaraderie through respectful hand shaking in the beginning and end of the matches, adhering to a very real Code of Honor. Makes me feel all tingly. In October of last year, I decided to give it a real chance and attend a live show. It did not disappoint.

I was so pleased that I wrote a column about it and decided that in 2004, I would follow the promotion closely through their live shows. Thus, Mr. Thomas' Wild Ride was born. A feature in Beauty in Wrestling that will span the entire year through several undetermined parts, depending on how many shows I attend. It will be part show review, part travel log, and part fanboy promotion of the wrestling company that is fast becoming near and dear to my heart. So, fasten your seatbelts and scrape the snow off your windshields. We're off!

This first part of MTWR will be about two events: one of the worst and one of the best nights of wrestling action I've ever seen. I love Ring of Honor, but I'm going to be as fair and balanced as I can. First...

--NEW JERSEY: ROH/JAPW INTERPROMOTION SHOW--

I loathe driving from my little home in Maryland to New Jersey. Not because of the distance. It was only a few hours away. It's the tolls along the way. I had already spent about forty dollars on my front row ticket to an interpromotional show involving Ring of Honor and Jersey All-Pro Wrestling. Fifteen bucks in tolls and the gas money made this a more expensive trip than I realized. I soothed my monetary discomfort with the sounds of Buffalo Tom and Sordid Humor in my car CD player. "It's only money," I told myself. "The show will be worth it."

Yeah, sure. What did I know?

I arrived in the parking lot of the New Jersey Armory. I think the military likes hosting wrestling events because lots of young males are certain to be in attendence, and the pamphlets for the army were sitting right there in the lobby as we were waiting for the doors to be opened. I was very early, so I walked around the main room as they constructed the ring. Someone told me that I needed permission to be there, and that I needed to wait behind the main doors. A hyperactive fifteen year-old boy struck up a conversation with me as I leaned against the pay phone, practically napping. I guess he couldn't take the hint. I didn't want to be rude to the young fellow, so I spoke with him about wrestling until his father told the teenager to stop bothering me. Finally, the doors opened, and we all marched inside.

The problem with the ROH/JAPW show was that the stink of New Jersey's wrestlers made even a Ring of Honor show unbearable. You know that episode of Seinfeld in which Jerry explains that when you spray perfume (ROH) on crap (JAPW), it still smells like crap? Well, the man was right. I'm sorry if this offends anyone from New Jersey or any local fans of JAPW. Maybe I only saw the worst of their roster in this show. Maybe their good wrestlers were on vacation. If anyone has seen superb JAPW shows, send me an e-mail and I will look into it. As far as this show is concerned, it was, at best, sub-par. I'll try and go through the highlights and lowlights as quickly as possible so that I can sing the praises of the better show...

Dirty Rotten Scoundrelz vs. Ring Crew Express. Oh no. Not another tag team that ends their name with a "Z" instead of an "S." The out-of-shape pair from JAPW did battle with Ring Crew Express of ROH. For those who have not seen the gimmick of Ring Crew Express, their name pretty much explains it all. Also, they wear 80's hair metal band t-shirts and play air guitar. That being said, they are actually pretty good. The match, however, was uninspiring to say the least. DRS was sloppy. Their out-of-ring charisma, which was good, didn't make up for their lack of ability. RCE isn't the best tag team around, but even they must have been unsatisfied with this bout. Sorry, Ring Crew Express. You did your best, but the match did not, unfortunately, rock like a hurricane.

Next was Ruckus vs. Derek Wylde. It wasn't anything special. I have nothing to say of it except that Ruckus needs to stop asking to be announced as "from da 'hood." Get real. Trent Acid & Devito vs. Loc & Johnny Kashmere was 90% comedy routine and only 10% wrestling. The joke was that the tag teams were mixed, having wrestlers who are normally partners face each other. Before the match, one of the wrestlers jumped onto the ring bell table to show off but it collapsed under his weight. It set the pace for what was a match good for a laugh but not for the money I had paid to see the show. The six man tag match later in the evening was pretty good. No real complaints but it wasn't anything to write home about. It involved members of Special K, a stable of young wrestlers whose gimmick is a bunch of rave goers and party drug enthusiasts. I'm not a fan of the gimmick, but they're not half bad in the ring, so I won't complain. I'll save that for the next match...

Shane Douglas vs. Justin Credible. Slow-paced and with a boring finish. Douglas won with a hip toss. Seriously! A hip toss! A powerslam, maybe, if done perfectly as it is with Goldust, could be a finisher. A hip toss? No, Douglas. Not good at all. I am not a fan of Justin Credible, but something in his eyes makes me believe he tries so hard. I can't say much against him. He accidentally had his hand cut open badly early in the match. He kept on going without much attention given to it.

Samoa Joe vs. Balls Mahoney was dull, despite a three-hundred pound man leaping off the top ropes towards the crowd. Joe is the Ring of Honor Champion. I'm not too happy about that fact. Someone like CM Punk should be the champ. I'm afraid that Joe is not that great. For a big (fat, not tall) man, he can move around, but it still limits him. Anyway, he retained the title. Dan Maff vs. Slyk Wagner Brown was full of run-ins and Brown being thrown into the guard rail. Not much else. Ended in DQ. I like Brown, though. He just needs to be in the right match. This wasn't it.

Finally, the main event. The only great match of the night. AJ Styles vs. "Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels vs. CM Punk vs. John Walters. Styles is the next big thing in American wrestling. So quick. So agile. So innovative. Perfect timing. Wonderful manuevers. His presense in NWA-TNA is forcing me to finally plunk down the money for a cable box so I can order their weekly Pay-Per-View. Daniels is the man. The name in independent wrestling for years. Easily one of America's best veteran wrestlers. CM Punk is a rising star in Ring of Honor and the indy scene in general. Not only does he wrestle, but he also trains up-and-comers in ROH's wrestling academy. He's that good. Walters is a technical marvel. He reminds me so much of Chris Benoit, which is a hell of a compliment. The match was beautiful. I wish I could write play-by-play of the action, but it was a live show, and I've only my memory.

The show ended, and I walked through the cold parking lot to my car. My can of Mountain Dew, which I intended to help keep me awake during the long midnight ride home, had frozen inside my cup holder. The Dew was gone. In its place, a kind of slushy Slurpee-esque substance. Oh, well. My spirits were quite low during the long drive. One great match in the entire three-hour show. That's it. Fortunately, "Who's Making Love," by Johnny Taylor came on the radio, so it helped ease the pain.

--GLEN BURNIE, MARYLAND--

A few weeks went by, and the sour aftertaste of the Jersey show had finally left me. Time for another event. This show was all Ring of Honor, so there would be no excuse if it didn't live up to my expectations. Fortunately, it received the big thumbs up from your's truly. One of the most entertaining nights of wrestling I've enjoyed in months.

This time, I would travel less than an hour to Glen Burnie in Southern Maryland. Finding my way to Glen Burnie was simple enough. I have a lot of family in that area, so I knew the routes. I crooned along to Stevie Wonder's greatest hits on the way. By the way, I'd like to inform wrestlers who come to Michael's 8th Avenue in Glen Burnie that the town is not, in any way, Baltimore. During this show and the previous Maryland ROH event, the announcers and wrestlers called this "the Baltimore area." It isn't. Baltimore is the Baltimore area. Baltimore County is the Baltimore area. A few minutes outside of Baltimore is the Baltimore area. Glen Burnie isn't Baltimore. Let's see how many more times I can write "Baltimore." I grew up in Baltimore and the Baltimore area. Baltimore. Baltimore.

SAT and Qennan Creed vs. Chad, Dino, and Slugger started the show. To be honest, the match was only so-so. Chad and Dino got by on comedy and imitating Jay and Silent Bob. Next!

John Walters vs. Chad Collyer either ties or comes as a very close second in my favorite matches of the card. This was pure, technical wrestling at its finest. Walters and Collyer put on a clinic. The match had a three rope-break rule, which meant that both wrestlers could only reach for the ropes to break up a pin or submission three times in the match. A great rule for a submission style match. Walters took the win via tap-out. I slapped his hand in congratulations as he made his way out. In February, Walters will be a part of the Pure Wrestling Title Tournament. Ring of Honor has created a new championship belt specifically for pure wrestlers such as Walters. Different rules for the divison as it pertains to punching, rope breaks, and keeping the match inside the ring at all times. I have a front row seat to the show, and I want to see Walters take the title.

The next match was a very impressive six-way cruiserweight style match. Jack Evans, Sonjay Dutt, Caprice Coleman, Hydro, and Chris Sabin tore the roof off of Michael's 8th Avenue. One wrestler was tossed out of the ring, so another jumped over the ropes and nailed him on the outside. Then, another wrestler did the same and levelled two. Then, another and another until the outside looked like a car wreck. The high-flying manuevers were top-notch. Later, each wrestler had another in a submission, all connected into one gigantic hold. It looked like something out of Greek mythology. Sabin took the win.

The Backseat Boyz (Trent Acid & Johnny Kashmere) won a No DQ Three-Way against the team of Loc and Justin Credible and two members of Special K. One of the ravers (which one escapes me) was tossed into the guard rail and hung halfway over on myself and the man sitting next to me. Next was a four-way to determine the #1 contender to the ROH Championship. BJ Whitmer and Dan Maff won through a double pin. I thought former ROH Champion Xavier was going to take it. Matt Stryker cracked me up during the match. He has a unibrow, and when someone in attendence told him to shave it, and screamed "I will not conform!"

Intermission. I bought a slice of pizza, french fries, and a cola. Five bucks in total. Not that bad, considering the same meal would cost be about twenty dollars at a Ravens game. I didn't want to shell out any more than I had already paid for the front row ticket, but I didn't want to watch CM Punk on an empty stomach.

The next match was Alex Shelley vs. Jimmy Jacobs. The fans couldn't help but comment on Jacobs' nipple piercings and Inuit boots. That's "Eskimo" for the politically incorrect. The match was solid. Some have called it the match of the night, but I preferred what came up next: CM Punk vs. Homicide. Generally, I sit and watch the show quietly, but I mark for CM Punk. I can't help myself. When Homicide's fan section chanted his name, I'd counter it with one of my own. The match was a knock-down drag-out contest between two men who have been in the ring with each other on many occassions. So, they have a great chemistry and didn't hold back at all. Homicide won, but I still clapped for Punk.

In the main event, Jerry Lynn and Samoa Joe lost to ROH Tag Team Champions, the Briscoe Brothers. Jim Cornette manages Mark and Jay Briscoe and was in perfect form. When someone in the crowd had a remark against his team, Cornette responded "If I wanted shit from you, I'd squeeze your head!" Obscene but hilarious. The match itself was quite good until it ended in a screwy finish, which is very uncharacteristic of a Ring of Honor match. Oh, well. Still a very entertaining show. Well worth the price of admission.

--CONCLUSION--

Thanks for joining me for the begninng of what will be a multi-part feature throughout the course of 2004. Mr. Thomas' Wild Ride is just getting started. I'll be back on the road on February 14th to watch Ring of Honor's Pure Wrestling Champion Tournament and will write a column later in the month. Yes, ol' Leon is single and doesn't have anyone with whom to share Valentine's Day. Except a few hundred screaming fans. I think I can live with that.

I strongly recommend attending live independent wrestling shows. Do your homework. Read up on who is scheduled to appear. Money is temporary. Wrestling memories last forever.